I am starting to think of research as torture. Matt and I have discussed some various concerns that we have and decided that we will re-discuss starting the homestudy in January. In the mean time I am researching-away the spare minutes that I have. I have contacted several agencies and I visit lots of adoption blogs and forums.
One of the major things I have come to realize is that for every one person who has an opinion on something, there are ten people who disagree with that person. It ultimately boils down to how we feel as a couple and how we feel God is leading us.
We have discussed the idea of adopting a newborn again. One of my main reasons not to adopt a newborn was that I didn't want to feel like I was taking a newborn that another family was yearning for. There are so many waiting families that this could still be a concern, but I have found that the fact that we are open to a child of any race means that there are many more possibilities for a child that could be the next addition to our family.
So, now I am researching homestudy concerns, and analyzing the things that need to change in our home. I'm looking into adoptive breastfeeding and wondering what a birthmother will think about the fact that I want to breastfeed. I'm researching "Dear Birthparent" letters and learning that the term "Dear Birthparent" can be offensive because an expectant parent is not a birthparent until they terminate parental rights (TPR). I am finding out how long it takes before a TPR is signed in our state. I'm researching closed, semi-open, and open adoption.
I'm thinking about my biological uncle who was put up for adoption when he was born in the 1950's. I think about how he had to feel when he found out that he was adopted. I remember my dad finding out that he had an older brother when I was eight years old. I remember meeting my uncle for the first and only time. I think about how hard he must have searched for all of that information to find us and the idea of a closed adoption is out the window. In fact, the semi-open adoption feels almost as secretive to me. The only way I can see doing a domestic infant adoption is to have an open relationship with the birth family. I can't imagine raising a child who always wonders where they came from and who their birth family is.
So now I'm down to just researching open domestic infant adoption. Isn't it funny how quickly God can lead us down a different path then we had thought out in our heads?