Singing Sister

I overheard my daughter singing her own made-up song.

Jesus loves me.

He wants me to be a big sister.

It might take a while.

I won't fuss or muss though.

I'll be patient.

(and repeat)

I love this little girl so much and she is going to be an amazing big sister.

Baby Gear

Like many women, as I think about having a new baby in the house, I start thinking about all of the things we'll need to buy.  Of course there are the diapers, bottles, and burp rags.  If this baby is a girl, then we already have more clothes than she will ever need.  If this baby is a boy, I've got some shopping to do.  Then of course, I am thinking about all of the fun things, like decorating the room.  Again, if we get a girl, then she will use the same bedding that we already have.  However, a boy with purple flowered bedding won't be right. 

I love etsy.  I started searching there for adoption-related items and I love this vinyl lettering.  I can picture above the crib of a little boy or little girl.  I'll just have to decide what color to paint the walls first.

I've seen these types of necklaces before and I really like them.  I'm wondering how I could incorporate my birth child and my adopted child on one necklace.  Any ideas?

I'm pretty sure my comic-book-loving husband will want one of these.  I think it is pretty cute too.

I love this shirt too.  This is what adoption is all about.  More love!

I love this quote, but I would probably never wear a necklace that big.



After I finished perusing etsy, I broadened my search.  I found these customizable shirts that I think are hilarious.  I think I might be ordering one in the future.

I have to say that I ran across a lot of stuff that said things like, "We chose you."  There were onesies that said, "Chosen."  I don't think we will be buying any of those, because I don't feel like we are choosing a baby.  That's not even how it works anyway.  I feel like I need a shirt for myself that says, "Chosen."  We will be the family that is chosen to raise this incredible baby.  It's not the other way around. 

Birth Certificate

Since we are waiting on our homestudy packet, I was trying to make sure I had everything else ready. We looked in our safe and files and I couldn't find my birth certificate. So, I looked it up and you can order your birth certificate pretty easily through www.vitalchek.com. I filled out all of the information in a matter of minutes and they say I should have my birth certificate in 7-10 business days.

Signed with an agency!

It's official. We've signed with an agency. We chose American Adoptions for multiple reasons and I'm excited to get started in the process. I spoke with the agency today and they are sending out a packet for us to start working on. Let the homestudy process begin!

Moving Forward

After about two months of not doing much on the adoption front, my husband I decided on an agency tonight. It is a relief after all of the research I have done and he came to the decision rather easily after I presented the pros and cons of some of my top choices. I plan to mail the application tomorrow. It feels like such a big step after months of just thinking, praying, and hoping. We feel at peace with this choice and I will probably get into it a bit more in future posts.

Random Ponderings About Race

As I have researched various aspects of adoption, transracial adoption has seemed to be a hot-button issue. There are many opinions and some "research" about the topic. I have also learned that many people involved in the adoption triad (birthparents, adoptive parents and adoptees) are offended by things that others may not realize are offensive.

One such offensive remark is saying that children are "colorblind." Many people believe that no one can be truly "colorblind" in regards to not noticing the differences in skin color. I read an article that suggested that while kids may not be "colorblind," they very well could be "colormute." They can obviously see the difference in color of skin, but it may not be of concern enough to talk about it. I really like that.

When we first considered transracial adoption, I thought it only prudent to ask Lexi's opinion. I asked her, "Would it matter to you if your brother or sister didn't have the same color skin as you?" I then named off several of her friends who have different skin colors. Her response was, "I don't care. They can have purple or pink skin."

Even knowing that the skin color is not a deciding factor for us, questions still loom in my head. So I pray that God calms my concerns and guides our decisions.

So, last night we went to the bank. There were two tellers at the drive-thru. The one who was helping us was Caucasian and the other teller was Hispanic. Lexi asked me, "What is her name."

I assumed she meant our teller, so I told her, "Her name is Stacy."

She replied, "OK."

A few minutes later she asked again, "What is her name?"

I replied again, "Her name is Stacy."

"No. What is the white girl's name?"

I was a little surprised by the way she asked that question, because I don't think we have ever referred to people as White, but I told her again, "Her name is Stacy."

She got more adamant and said, "No. Her! The white girl."

I turned to see that she was pointing at the Hispanic teller. I said, "Honey, why did you call her the White girl."

She replied rather matter-of-factly, "Because she is wearing a white shirt."

In that moment, I had the answer that I needed about my concerns with transracial adoption. My daughter will no doubt see differences between people, because we indeed are all different. I just know that her main concern will not be the color of a person's skin or the type of hair. She may notice differences in clothes, cars, hairstyles, or shoes. The next child who enters our family will be taught to embrace any differences they may have and celebrate the love that we can all share.

My child may not be colorblind or colormute, but she will be raised to know that people of all shapes, sizes, and colors have the same human potential. We are all part of the human race.

"Research"

I am starting to think of research as torture. Matt and I have discussed some various concerns that we have and decided that we will re-discuss starting the homestudy in January. In the mean time I am researching-away the spare minutes that I have. I have contacted several agencies and I visit lots of adoption blogs and forums.

One of the major things I have come to realize is that for every one person who has an opinion on something, there are ten people who disagree with that person. It ultimately boils down to how we feel as a couple and how we feel God is leading us.

We have discussed the idea of adopting a newborn again. One of my main reasons not to adopt a newborn was that I didn't want to feel like I was taking a newborn that another family was yearning for. There are so many waiting families that this could still be a concern, but I have found that the fact that we are open to a child of any race means that there are many more possibilities for a child that could be the next addition to our family.

So, now I am researching homestudy concerns, and analyzing the things that need to change in our home. I'm looking into adoptive breastfeeding and wondering what a birthmother will think about the fact that I want to breastfeed. I'm researching "Dear Birthparent" letters and learning that the term "Dear Birthparent" can be offensive because an expectant parent is not a birthparent until they terminate parental rights (TPR). I am finding out how long it takes before a TPR is signed in our state. I'm researching closed, semi-open, and open adoption.

I'm thinking about my biological uncle who was put up for adoption when he was born in the 1950's. I think about how he had to feel when he found out that he was adopted. I remember my dad finding out that he had an older brother when I was eight years old. I remember meeting my uncle for the first and only time. I think about how hard he must have searched for all of that information to find us and the idea of a closed adoption is out the window. In fact, the semi-open adoption feels almost as secretive to me. The only way I can see doing a domestic infant adoption is to have an open relationship with the birth family. I can't imagine raising a child who always wonders where they came from and who their birth family is.

So now I'm down to just researching open domestic infant adoption. Isn't it funny how quickly God can lead us down a different path then we had thought out in our heads?