Well Dunn Family

I started a new blog to combine the two blogs I currently update.  I wanted one place to update everything and I didn't want to feel like I had dueling blogs for each of my kiddos.  So, please join me at

Well Dunn Family

I plan on updating general things about our family and still discussing adoption. 

Conversational Dilemma

After that conversation at church a week ago, I prayed about it and decided that I wasn't going to offer up the fact that Jayvan is adopted to every stranger.  I am not going to lie if someone asks me a question, but I'm not going to volunteer the information either.  Yet, I still feel this desire to over-share, because we could not be happier or more proud of our son and his adoption.

I practiced my non-over-sharing skills at dinner last night.  We went out to The Blue Moose, because it is Matt's favorite.  The woman at the table next to us asked, "How old is he?"

I replied, "He was a month old yesterday."

She gushed about how cute he is and what mother doesn't love that?  Then she said something about all of his dark hair.  "I bet it will lighten up just like his big sister's."

Now, if this conversation had happened a couple weeks ago, I probably would have gone on about his adoption, but I didn't.  I said, "Well, her hair started out that light.  His will probably stay dark."  Matt has dark hair, so it is conceivable that the dark hair came from him. 

Whew.  That wasn't so hard.  We finished up our dinner and headed to the car.  Every stranger we meet doesn't have to know that Jayvan is adopted.  It's obvious that he is a loved member of our family.

Post-Placement Legal Fun

We already knew that Virginia required three post-placement visits.  We found out last night that the first of those visits has to happen within thirty days of placement.  Jayvan was placed with us on July 8, so that means we have to have this visit within the next four days.  The only time our social worker had was at noon tomorrow.  Lexi's birthday party is at 2:00, but we will make this work.

We also found out that we cannot petition the court for finalization until six months after placement and it typically takes four to six weeks to get a court date.  So, it looks like our adoption finalization until February or March.

Now, I need to get off of this computer so I can clean and prepare thirty giftbags for Lexi's party.  Whew.

I should have had him in this onesie on Sunday.

Four Whole Weeks!

Jayvan is four weeks old today.  I can't believe the time has flown so quickly, yet he feels like he's been a part of our family for so long.  I find myself being more joyful than I have ever been in my life.  So many people have told me that I have that new mom glow even though I don't have the postpartum hormones to blame it on.  Jayvan came to visit me in the office for a bit this morning. My camera is still being repaired, so here are some lovely webcam shots for you.

Mid-morning is definitely the time to see his beautiful brown eyes.   He is a happy boy as long as you aren't bathing him or changing him.  We cannot believe how blessed we are.

A lot of people have asked about our contact with the birthfamily.  We talk to them and skype with them every few days.  We have left it totally up to them.  Jayvan's birthmom (B) has had some health issues and we would appreciate any and all prayers for her.  She is a wonderful woman and we want her to be healthy and happy.  We cannot imagine a better relationship with the birthfamily and we hope to see it only grow and develop more deeply.  As Matt said, "We went to Virginia to get a baby, and we ended up getting an extended family."

Four weeks. . . wow.

My Least Favorite Adoption Conversation to Date

I want to preface this post by saying that we have been surrounded by overwhelming support and understanding.    Even the conversation I'm about to type out was not born out of maliciousness, but rather (for lack of a nicer word) ignorance.  I remember reading about conversations like this in adoption books and blogs, and now I got to experience one for myself.

Today while we were in church, Jayvan needed a diaper change, so I took him to the bathroom. While I was in there, a woman came into the bathroom and the following conversation ensued.

Random Church Lady (RCL): Oh! There is someone in here.  I was coming to check for the cleaning person.
Me:  I'm just finishing up.  I'll be out in a minute.
RCL:  Oh, you have a little baby.  He's so adorable.
Me:  Thank you.  We think he's pretty cute.
RCL:  Can I hold him?
(She came at me with out-stretched arms and I somehow couldn't say no, so I handed my precious baby to a lady I've never met. :shock:)
RCL:  Is he. . . ?
(Somehow I knew what she was asking.)
Me:  He is adopted.
RCL:  Oh, I just knew it.  I could just tell.
(She was quite proud of herself.)
Me:  Yes, we are pretty blessed.
RCL:  Oh, I want my son to get one of these.  I'm going to go show him.
(Get one?  These? That's not really how it works.  At this point she proceeds out of the bathroom with my baby. :shock:  Her son is standing outside the bathroom with gloves on.  Apparently he is the cleaning person.)
RCL:  See son! This is what I want you to get.  It doesn't matter if you're single.  You can still get one of these.
(Seriously, get one?  I still tried to be nice.)
Me:  The adoption process can be hard, but it is so worth it.
RCL: So, where did you get him?
Me:  We traveled to Virginia for his birth.
RCL:  But where did you get him from?
Me:  Virginia.
(She stares at me blankly)
Me:  He was born in Virginia and we traveled there to pick him up.
RCL:  But what nationality is he?
(Now this is where the old snarky Amanda would have said "American!"  However, I knew what she was getting at.)
Me:  He is biracial, half Caucasian and half African American.
RCL:  Oh, I never had one of those. . . :?
(She then proceeds to tell me about all of the foster children she had and all of their "nationalities."  You would think a former foster-mom would be a little more politically correct.)
RCL:  So is he your only child?
Me:  No, my daughter is almost five.
RCL:  Is she adopted too?
Me:  No.
RCL:  Oh, so she is really yours.
(Yep, she said it.)
Me:  She is biologically ours, yes.  Both of our children are ours.  Well, I've got to get back into church. . .
(And I make my escape.)

Eesh.  When I told Matt about the whole thing, he said he definitely would have said, "Full-blooded American" and walked away.  I probably should have gone with that.  I'll be in prayer about how to handle conversations like this in the future.